Two said that if it had beenavailable in their twenties they would have jumped at the chance, but theyaren't prepared to abandon their children. One, who has fought andsacrificed much on the slow path to reassignment surgery said that shecouldn't imagine being that other person: the woman who simply lived allher life as a woman and didn't go through those years of struggle.I was given a Tape by a good friend, Lynne: he's a crossdresser like me.He'd toyed with it a few times, he said, but ultimately decided that itwasn't doing him any good."It's like heroin, or something," he said. "Just too tempting!"I had to try it for myself.STEP ONEVictoria has taken Malcolm off to a play date: some soft play place.That's perfect.The Tape is still safe in its hiding place at the bottom of my gym bag.Deceptively heavy and somewhat rubbery: powder blue down one edge, andbaby pink down the other.What the hell...I lay it out on the dining-room floor, still not believing.I step over it... and nothing. So now, here we are, and where do we go from here? I have the perfect opportunity to help you and teach you, or I could take your mind and bend it and twist it around my little finger, and you could walk away as demented as they say I am.One thing I’d like to know is: who are “they”? I mean, you hear that all the time; they say this… or they say that… get what I mean? If you haven’t guessed, I have decided to embrace your mind and make it mine, I hope you enjoy the ride.At times, I feel this overwhelming urge to break those things entrusted to me. That’s why they don’t let me have much here. I once had a gerbil here. It was a cute little rat, which was it’s own fault. I ran a few small tests on it, to see what would happen. I wanted it to learn to talk to others like it did me. So I decided not to feed it until it did. But after a few days I got interested in another experiment. I wanted to find out if I could train it to do tricks. You can’t train an animal without.
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